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Artist | Student | Photography
United States
-- (Tumblr)

and writing

"Silence is often misinterperited, but can never be misquoted."


Mature Content Filter is On
(Contains: sexual themes, violence/gore, strong language and ideologically sensitive material)
To Archangel Gabrielle,

My head is starting to hurt. I cry a lot more but I keep denying letting him go. He doesn’t understand me like I thought he did. He’s so perfect to me, but it turns out he wasn’t who I thought he was. Is that true? Am I supposed to let him go? Was I only there to bring him out and show him there is more out there? Am I just being too emotional? Too stubborn? I love feeling his love. It is the most addicting sensation I have ever experienced. I tell myself that I have felt love before, but my heart overwhelms itself from him. I feel wanted, protected, not alone anymore. All the fights though, what is happening? Is this you trying to talk to me? If so, I need it slapped in the face more because I am still hypnotized by him. Sarah tries to help me hold up my standards. She puts me back in place when I need it. I love her like a lover, I would do anything for her. She says that I deserve a relationship that will do the same back to me. Maybe I’m just a fool. I can’t help but believe that I am only here on this earth to help people, not myself. I feel like hurting myself. I haven’t cut in a while, then I relapsed, but I’m back on track. I don’t hit myself either. He gets mad and disappointed, which makes me want to do it even more. He says it hurts him and he can’t handle it. It’s hard. I think about it everyday. How bad I want to hurt myself. It’s so bad. I feel crazy. I feel worthless. Why would anyone care about me, why, why? Sometimes it’s so bad that I wish I wasn’t cared for, so I didn’t have to worry about disappointing anyone, or end up losing someone. I feel so confused. I don’t want to be touched. These nightmares are tearing me apart. I see Nate and Addison, even Dylan, and I just lie there like a dead piece of meat. Raping me. Over and over. Touching me. Kissing me. Covering my mouth. Pushing my face away. They’re calling me a bitch. A piece of shit. A worthless whore. I can feel them thrusting. I feel them inside me and touching me and taunting me with words. It makes me want to die. I’m just a rag doll. I can’t even do anything. It’s like trying to run but you’re moving slower than molasses. I try reaching but its not far enough. I try pulling but I’m not strong enough. I try screaming but nothing comes out. My studio finals are this week. I wish I could just sleep it away. Just stay in bed sulking and pitying myself. That’d be great. But I’m not that person. I’m scared of what is going to happen. Do you think he’ll leave me? Realize that I’m too much to handle? I feel lost now. What am I supposed to do? My heart is aching from fear. I’m so afraid. What if everything I said before is true? Why do I let myself fall head over heels again. Will he fight for me like before? Will he just think “oh well” and realize I’m not as worth it as he thought? My heart is breaking. I feel myself breaking. I feel like I haven’t even taken my antidepressant today. I can’t help to feel this overwhelm of depression on my back. My back, my neck, my head.  I’m not fucking worth it. I’m not fucking worth it. Just be happy without me.
It's uncontrollable I must confess
that every time I hear you say-
I can't imagine what travels trough your head
the subtle thoughts
the flick of gears
that make you tick
and makes me fear

Say goodbye and give me a reason
to not sit here
like the pathetic child I am
I can hear the laughs echo in my ears
I can feel your heart beat faster
when you hear her

My stomach wants to vomit
and my eyes want to plead
while my hands must hold back
the yearning to bleed

This wave of grief
is an unbearable relief
how can I put belief
into a thief

Precious, delicate, vulnerable
and pitiful girl I am.
They reveal my naked body
and they beat beat beat
me with their hands
and their words

Is it so hard to love

For what I deserve I do not
and the dark of my stomach may match the bruises
I wish I could not
wish to could not
wish to be not.
Make me speak, like it 's the last time you'll ever hear my voice.
Look at me, like any second you'd go blind.
Hold me, as if you'd let go, I'd disappear.
Take my hand, like you've been waiting for this moment.
Follow me, like you trust my paths.
Guide me, to create on our behalf.
Listen to me, like you could echo back every word.
Accept me, every flaw, even the ones that have stained my skin, even those from my mind and heart, those that can't be fixed and the ones that can.

Accept me.

Accept me.

Why do you keep trying to change me.
and change me
and change me
and change me

i hate myself
i hate myself
i hate myself

i hate myself.

I hate myself.

I'm wrong.
I'm too stubborn.
I'm too depressed.
I have too many scars.
I'm not open enough.
I'm not outgoing enough.
I'm unreasonable.
I'm a disappointment.
I take things too personally.
I'm too hard on myself.

Well I hate myself.

Accept me.

Accept me.
Tell me I’m okay
Tell me I’ll be just fine
These days are getting longer
It’s hard to be alive
I need to feel your love
Racing through my veins
‘cause all I see are scars
and all I know is pain

Tell me it’s all okay
That you’ll make everything alright
The days no longer lonely
And it’s okay to be alive
Make me feel your love
Rushing through my veins
Fade away my scars
Help me soothe this pain.
When all I wanted was to feel the passion all I received was denial. So when I tried to walk away, the passion held me for a while. I did not feel the passion though for it only grasped my hand as if that would be enough to last the night. So when it’s time to leave, it feels like before, where the passion is no longer with me. I could suffer the night, but today, I only feel the emptiness in the light. Why does the passion deceive me?
Although she chose to let me go
I know my mommy loves me so
I can feel it in my heart
With me she can't bear to part
But if she chose to let me live
Her future she would have to give
But someday it will be my turn
to grow and live and love and learn
Though my body will be gone
You'll feel me in the air at dawn
Whispering that I will wait
Patiently for my chance at fate
My soul will be here when you're ready
When our future is safe and steady
then to term you'll carry me
and discover who I grow to be.


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Add a Comment:
ghearradh Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2013
thank you thank you thank you so so much for watching me! i really appreciate it! :hug:
QuietLikeSnow Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2013  Student Photographer
of course
williamfdevault Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2013  Professional Writer
Thank you for the fave on Mandela's Chariot. :blackrose:
QuietLikeSnow Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2013  Student Photographer
no problem
williamfdevault Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2013  Professional Writer
Oops, I meant "thick penetration" (Nice to see someone likes this one!)
schzimmyDearr Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
thanks for the fav. and If you liked it, then you can join my page on :facebook: - [link] I would appreciate (:
JPtHart Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2012  Student Photographer
A belated thanks for the favourite. :aww:
QuietLikeSnow Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2012  Student Photographer
no problem at all
Flagged as Spam
QuietLikeSnow Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2012  Student Photographer
Wow. This is disgusting. thanks so much.
Add a Comment: